Miriam "Teeny" Lukhard Vaughan, 1933-2023

 I just updated her information in my Ancestry tree, closing out another story of a life well-lived.

My whole life has been anchored by my dad's cousins on the farm in Old Church (Mechanicsville, VA).  Aunt Teeny was my touchstone, my favorite relative. I have boxes of cards and letters that she sent through the years, and I'm sure she has the same from me. I visited her regularly, especially after my dad died. She was the connection that helped to keep his memory and his love for family alive. When her daughter Robin died two years after my dad, I became a connection for her to Robin. 

At age 7, I was delivered by my parents to the farm to stay for two weeks with Aunt Teeny and Uncle Kenneth and their three children in their tiny home next to the "Big House." The house had once been a slave cabin I was told. Robin, who was a year younger than me, was my 2nd cousin, my playmate and companion. We slept in a bunk bed in her room. After that first year, the Vaughan family lived in a darling cottage-type house that was built for Teeny on another part of the farm. (The old cabin was moved and Uncle Junior, Teeny's brother, lived there until he died, and it was sold out of the family.)

I remember having moments of homesickness that first year, but farm life was so magical to me. To this day I can recall the smells, the crunching of straw and tall grass underfoot, the bugs, the variety of animals, the close proximity of family, the plentiful and hearty food, and most of all, the freedom to roam and explore all day, virtually without (noticeable) supervision. We had the run of the property -  the Big House, the pastures, barns, chicken coops, sheds, fields, orchards, woods and ponds. Later, we would saddle up our rides (at first, the donkey for me, pony for Robin; then graduated to pony for me and horse for Robin; then horses for both of us). There were so many memorable adventures. Through all of this, my Aunt Teeny wrapped us up in a warmth that enfolded us like one of her colorful, soft, handmade quilts. She was as comfortable as an old pair of slippers.

As I got older, the visits were less often, but I made sure to take friends to the farm whenever I could during college. I knew that we would always be greeted with open arms, food, fun, and laughter. It was fuel for my soul. 

I could go to her whenever I needed unconditional love and affection. Hugs and expressions of love in our family were uninhibited and filled up my heart. Near the end of her days, I tried to give back the love she had so generously given me all my life. I took food and special photo albums that I made for her. 

Holly and I drove up to visit her three days before she passed. She was heavily sedated and incoherent, but she knew we were there. We held her hand and told stories and visited with each other. Occasionally she would try to say something, but we couldn't understand her. She asked a question: ".... exciting....?" Mostly she would dream and smile sweetly, perhaps seeing something that we could not imagine. Holly and Sharlyn worked together to change her out of her soiled nightgown; after they re-dressed her and situated her in the bed, Sharlyn said, "Nanny, we're all done!" Relieved after the struggle, Teeny responded clearly, "yay-y-y!" 

We will hear that echoing in our heads for the rest of our lives. "Yay-y-y!" 

Searching for Burial Site (Margaret and Eley Bryant)

Since we strongly suspected that Margaret and Eley were buried on the family farm in Princess Anne County, the next logical step in our search was to find the current owner of the Bryant farmland. We found her! She is a 90-year old woman who lives in a modest ranch home across Blackwater Road from the property. Her name is Doris (family name, Frost), and she was born in the original farmhouse which had been located across the street (our family's home?) where there is now a barn owned by another family. 

Here is how we found her:

Terry invited three of us, including my sister and a mutual friend, to meet her for breakfast on Monday, Sept. 25th at the Redhead Bay Cafe very near the location of the old Fletcher farm in Pungo. The mutual friend is a member of the Princess Anne Historical Society, and she had a particular interest in the history of lumber mills in the County. After breakfast Terry suggested we go for a ride and see the family properties that had taken so much effort to find three years ago. 

We first drove across the Pungo Ferry bridge toward Blackwater Road, pointing out the Fletcher property. Turning left on Blackwater, we saw the old Blackwater Store and the pond where the lumber mill must have been. Heading back in the other direction, I pointed out the 40+ acres that was once the Bryant farm, now all soybean fields. 

A man was out in his front yard across the road. His house and fields took up the triangle at the corner of Blackwater and Head of River Roads where Blackwater Road had once been straightened. We got out of the car and approached him. He wasn't friendly at first. He even challenged the story we told him. But then his wife (?) came out and she was more interested in helping us. They told us that "Doris" is the current owner of the property and lives right across Blackwater Road... and... look! She's home right now, waiting for a ride to go somewhere. Hurry and catch her! 

We drove immediately to Doris' house and got out of the car. The front door was open and Doris came right out. She soon warmed up to us and told us about being born in the old farmhouse there. We explained that we were searching for graves. She assured us that she has walked every inch of that property and there are no graves. We thanked her and told her that she had saved us a lot of trouble and satisfied our curiosity. 

I remember seeing the name "Frost" on an old map. Next step is to follow up on that lead. 

Family Historian - DRAFT bio and favorite quotes

 Quotes about family history:

"We are all what we've come from. Sometimes that's comfortable with other people and sometimes it's not."

~Miriam Vaughan, 2013

"Always remember, wherever you go, there you are." 

"Home is where, when you go there, they have to feed you." 

"Sometimes betrayal is so sharp that it is not possible to salvage anything when all is said and done."

~Annie's Mailbox (advice columnist)

There is nothing new under the sun. ~Ecclesiastes

Thou hast loosed an Act upon the world, and as a stone thrown into a pool so spread the consequences thou canst not tell how far. ~ Rudyard Kipling (Kim)

"What are we, if not an accumulation of our memories?" ~Before I Go to Sleep

"Darling, the past is never over and done with," Mother said, "It's always there lurking." ~What Happens at Christmas

"What is a legacy? Planting seeds in a garden you will never see." LMM, "Hamilton"

"You can bury the truth, but is will not stay there." ~Hall

"What about you is worth remembering? If you can't figure that out, maybe you should think about changing your life." ~"Ancestors" (TV Show, 1997)

"It's the tragedies that define our lives. They are the fence posts on which the rest of our life hangs." Beth Pearson, This is Us, Oct 2020

"To-morrow, and to-morrow and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time,
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more; it i a talk
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing."
~Wm Shakespeare, MacBeth 5.5

"mysterious thing, time." ~Harry Potter, Snape

Live the way you want to be remembered.

Family historian quote:   ???

I think my life has been pretty cool so far. I've had my ups and downs but overall, it's been good. Some remarkable things stand out: 

As a young girl, I had wonderful summer experiences on my family's farm. I rode a horseback all over the countryside with my cousin; one memorable hot day, I rode right into the pond on a playful horse. My idea of big fun! I met entertainment celebrities because of my father's job. I was a contestant in a beauty pageant. I crewed on sailboats that won trophies in regattas. I traveled to Europe by myself. I've flown into the bottom of the Grand Canyon by helicopter. I climbed to the top floor of the Hancock Building in Chicago.

Professionally, I had a successful 25-year career as an elementary school librarian, receiving the top honor of Teacher of the Year and achieving National Board Certification. I created a college-level curriculum from scratch and taught a university class of 100 students while managing six Teacher Assistants. I wrote three articles that were published in professional magazines. I've become a professional artist in retirement, selling paintings in gift shops, instructing classes, and even having an art piece displayed in a museum exhibit.

Spiritually, I've taught adult Bible classes for more than thirty years. I've laid hands on a U.S. Congressman and prayed for him. I've performed solos and played guitar in a traveling singing group, and directed a church choir for several years. My faith is the wind beneath my wings. 

Personally, I raised four amazing boys, pouring myself into them and giving them every possible opportunity to find their place in the world. I have several true blue close friendships, some dating back to my youth, when most people are lucky to have one or two. I belong to several fun and stimulating social groups that keep my calendar full. I made some terrible mistakes and did some embarrassing things in my life, and I live with regrets, but manage to shake off the self-castigation most of the time. 

Financially, I've always lived frugally but have never wanted for anything.

Certainly many in this present day have better lives and greater adventures than I have. Many have faced greater adversities. I am not particularly adventurous or brave. My experiences in total represent a highly privileged and fairly trouble-free life. 

There is an awareness that has changed me - the awareness that the ridiculously easy life that I have is in shocking contrast to the lives and experiences of the generations before me. I have an easy life because of them. Their ambitions, sacrifices, bravery, and struggles built the foundation on which I rest my lazy, pampered bones.

When I began pursuing my family genealogy in earnest in 2012, I knew very little of my family's history beyond my grandparents. I had some vague memories of bits and pieces of family lore. I was lucky enough to have four living grandparents, and was born into a close-knit extended family. I even knew one set of great-grandparents and visited them regularly. 

Many in my family were storytellers. I often wish I had listened better! From them I learned that any personal experience can be fodder for a hilarious story, no matter how humiliating or upsetting it was for the subject. I took my turn being the mortified subject. There was lots of laughter and these stories often grew as details were embellished over time. My father was a fisherman. Tall tales were the nature of things.

In my early teens, I was able to interview my father's paternal grandmother about her parents and siblings and I created a primitive family tree on poster board, which I still have. Beyond that, my interest in genealogy was fleeting. I had a life to live and better things to do! My eyes glazed over with boredom when my mother tried to get me interested in stories about relatives that I had never heard of and had no interest in knowing. 

My mother was of the generation that had to research genealogy the hard way. She wrote letters to organizations, and sent inquiries to government agencies. She connected with distant cousins and exchanged long, detailed letters sharing photos, documents, and other information. She even visited distant relatives on the other side of the country. She could only focus on her paternal side, however, and her findings were quite limited. Her information had breadth but not depth.

My mother's paternal family was easy to trace, as both my grandfather and his mother, a prolific writer, were passionate about preserving and sharing family history. My mother's maternal side, however was in shadow. Her birth and parentage were completely unknown. My maternal grandmother was raised as an orphan in Texas and knew almost nothing about her parents. Some of what she did know was in error. 

My father's family, by contrast, was a large, loving, and affectionate group, extending to 3rd cousins and beyond. I was lucky to be as close to 2nd and 3rd cousins as I was to my 1st cousins. I heard all the family names and knew most of them. I was close to many of my great aunts and uncles. There weren't many unanswered questions about my paternal heritage... 

...that is, until I started digging. 

New Jersey and Virginia - full circle

Today the NJ and VA cousins came together on the farm in Old Church, Virginia. 

Matt - the great grandson of William Bryant and Bonnie Abbott - drove down from NJ for a genealogy conference in Richmond, and the chance to get together with a matriarch of the Virginia faction of the family was too good to pass up. I, Teresa - the great granddaughter of George Abbott and Ida Rene Bryant - arranged the visit and brought lunch. 

The three of us, Matt, me, and "Teeny" (Miriam - granddaughter of George and Ida), spent the afternoon sharing family lore, pictures, and recollections. Though, memory loss was somewhat of a barrier to reliable information, I believe there were some insights gained from our visit. 

Teeny recalled a memorable visit to New Jersey when she was in high school. As a real southern belle, she was a novelty attraction for her northern cousins. The more they made over her, the more southern she became, and her cheerleader type personality became exaggerated. She claims the New Jersey girls were all mad over the attention she drew from the boys, and she just reveled in it. It was the first time she experienced such personal power. 

She remembers that at least one of the boy cousins came to Virginia to visit her after that, but can't remember names or details. Matt remembers his aunt Mary telling about going down to Virginia where she visited one of the family grocery stores. She must have visited the Lukhards in Richmond, probably in the 1950's, who were heading up a household of multiple families at the time, including George Abbott and Earl Butler and family.  

Matt showed us old photos of his family members, in particular his father Lawrence, and his "Nan," Margaret Bryant Weismantel. Margaret was the daughter of William and Bonnie Bryant. Matt told stories about the tumultuous relationships between William and Bonnie. William evidently caused a great deal of trouble for the family. He was an alcoholic who finally ended his days in an institution. Bonnie threatened to bury him in the midst of all the Abbotts in the cemetery family plot so that he could be tormented for eternity (which she did). 

There was another story about someone in the Virginia family stealing the Bryants' valuable colonial patent for growing peanuts out of William's luggage on a visit to Virginia. Maybe he sold it. Or it might have been one of the Butler boys who took it. Anyway, as a result, the New Jersey family did not have a great impression of the Virginia folks. 

We told Teeny about some of the things we had learned in our research. I'm sure Teeny does not remember any of it, but it was entertaining at the moment! I reminded her about the framed photo of the Episcopal church she had given me - how I had discovered it was a postcard send from Matt's great grandmother Bonnie to her sister May. I gave the postcard to Matt. We found another framed postcard on Teeny shelf, but the people pictured on it were not identified. There was another photo of a family in front of an old home in Richmond, also not identified. I took photos of them for future research.

We told stories about Aunt Miriam, as she was our link to the Abbotts and Bryants. Miriam never knew what drastic thing Herman was going to introduce into their lives. She just adapted to whatever he wanted. We talked about the alcoholics in the family, how as kids we just thought our family was crazy and fun. We also talked about George "Gramp," and how on his deathbed he had asked Teeny to name Barry after his father Whitfield Barry Abbott  - and he didn't even know she was pregnant much less that it was a boy! 

We talked about the animals. We told how Uncle Herman would try to raise his own supply of food for the grocery store. Those ventures did not work out - the turkeys all suffocated in the back of the truck by piling up in one end. The hogs were sent to slaughter, accidentally including Robin's pet pig. Farm life was hard work. I recalled seeing Junior work out in the fields at night, driving the tractor around with the headlights on after working all day in the store. 

We talked about Uncle Herman's love of real estate. He had owned several different properties on the Potomac and Rappahannock Rivers. There were always lots of family members gathered in these homes, which he generously shared with all of us. This discussion led to telling Matt about Tangier Island, which he had not heard of before. 

We ended our visit with a tour of the farm. We left Teeny's at about 3:00 without thinking of taking a single photo. 

PS Barry told me that he has a photo of Whitfield Barry Abbott. He will send me a copy of it. He also told me about a mix up regarding the family plot at Forest Lawn Cemetery. Apparently people aren't buried where they're supposed to be. There should be an empty plot, but they don't know which one it is. 

Vera Louise Austin, b. March 30, 2023

Now I have motivation to continue with my genealogy research in earnest!  Vera was born last week and has totally stolen my heart.

She will have a pretty complete family tree from her father's ancestry. Now I will also extend my research on her mother's side. 

What a precious little DNA package she is! ;) 

"Vera" was chosen by her parents because they simply liked the name. It is unique - not heard of very often these days. "Louise" came from a song that was special to her parents; also, it has a French origin which her father likes.

She is already showing her personality. She is strong, determined, and active (prominent traits from both parents). She has a generous amount of brown hair (again, from both parents). Long toes and fingers. 

Flashback to 1988:

On February 17, 1988, Dr. Frederick Wirth, a nationally-known neonatologist, did Jonathan's newborn exam in my presence and spent a lot of time explaining everything from head to toe. He sat and rocked Jonathan in the corner of my hospital room for 45 minutes, marveling at Jonathan's perceptiveness about his surroundings. I watched and listened from my bed as the doctor narrated his impressions of my baby. He noted that Jonathan is quiet, alert, controls himself well (disciplined), very visual (stripes in the curtain, etc.).

Dr. Wirth declared himself very "impressed" with Jonathan and offered to do the Brazelton Infant Personality Assessment Test at 2 and 4 weeks for Jonathan for free! (Dr. Wirth had worked with Dr. T. Barry Brazelton, who created the assessment and was considered the "Dr. Spock" of my generation). I welcomed the idea of doing something different - something I hadn't experienced before - with this third child.

Dr. Wirth's advice after the Personality Test:

Jonathan is strong-willed and determined. His energy must be intentionally guided in positive directions. 

Reduce stimuli during fretful periods. Use quieting techniques, trying them in this order - hold one hand, hold both hands, swaddle baby tightly, roll onto tummy and rub or pat back, use a pacifier; pick up and hold on shoulder; hold and rub back or pat bottom. Use only one stimulus at a time - his nervous system is discharging and can't handle more than one added sensation. 

Treat baby as an intelligent, sensitive human being!

I think there was a letter from Dr. Wirth, but will take some time to find it.

Review and Clean Up

I have exchanged emails with 21 different cousins from 2012 to the present. They have all been delightful  to work with. A few of them have continued to check in periodically, and a couple of them have become true close family. Many of the early questions in our email discussions have been answered. It is gratifying to see the progress we've made since the beginning. 

As I combed through over ten years of emails, I took notes and followed up on some of them with new replies. Since yesterday, I've received a large number of responses with new information.

One of them (JR) is a relative of the Powell family. He was inspired by the new information I discovered about our 3X great grandfather who fought in the Civil War, George James Powell. He dug in and, in a blast of emails today, sent back new findings of his own. We will put our heads together to add new records to our family tree. 

This research "hobby" has greatly enriched my life and my sense of place in the world.

Elizabeth McDonald Gray Judd, 1822-??? - Fake News!

Newspapers can be wrong! Who knew? It was reported in Connecticut, New York, and Boston newspapers that my 3X great grandmother committed suicide after a scandalous divorce and separation from her children. The articles about the suicide fit the dates and places in my ggg grandmother's life, but apparently it was a case of mistaken identity. It was a different Mrs. Judd who committed suicide - a Mrs. J. A. Judd. A cousin who contacted me through Ancestry provided this mind blowing new evidence.

The Boston, Connecticut, and New York newspapers had to print retractions. 

I did wonder when I first read of the suicide about some of the facts that didn't fit. The Mrs. Judd who committed suicide was a milliner. and she killed herself in a back room in her shop. My ggg grandmother was a journalist and writer for the NY Times. Couldn't imagine her changing careers to make hats.

I'm still trying to figure out what this all means. Obviously, it means I have the wrong death date for my ggg grandmother. So what became of her after her divorce?