Sideways on the family tree

Much of my ancestry research is focused on the direct line of descent.  I have deliberately omitted siblings of ancestors because it is hard enough to follow all of the thousands of leads for the ones that lead directly to me!  But I am very aware of the importance of sibling relationships and their descendants' importance in my research.  I have "met" several distant cousins in this process and it is thrilling to see where our family tree has branched out in this country.  There is something about cousins that touch our hearts in a special way.

There are many syrupy platitudes about cousins out there, and every word of it is true.  Our first cousins, and sometimes our 2nd and 3rd if we are lucky enough to know them, have a special place in our lives that no other relative can claim.  They are our contemporaries, but not necessarily our peers. The relationship is intimate, but not close enough to be dysfunctional or damaging.  Friendship may or may not be there, but the love and affection are true.  You may not see or talk with a cousin for years, but when you need them, you can count on them to be there for you. You reconnect without missing a beat.  There are no pretenses, because cousins know the real you.  They know things about you that no one else on earth knows.  The same blood flows through our veins, and that makes us forever joined in the bond of common history.

Aunts and Uncles also have an important place in our lives.  They are the ones who love you pretty much as a parent does, but with a little more objectivity.  They can afford to be fun and affectionate without having to discipline.  We view our family through our aunts and uncles with different eyes.  They can be a sounding board when we need perspective.  Through them, we can intimately experience a different version of home life, giving us more choices for our own futures.  Sometimes our aunts and uncles have played a significant role in our upbringing. They can be what a parent cannot... a friend. Watching my son proudly show off his new house to his ever so caring aunt and uncle put a lump in my throat.  How much more precious did his achievement become with the extended family's blessing?  It cannot be measured.

My cousin Barry loves family more than anyone I know.  He goes out of his way to visit family members all over the country.  He cares about their lives.  He connects with them in a personal way and makes them feel important by remembering details about their lives.  He loves nothing more than to discuss family, and can talk for hours, reminiscing and telling funny stories about our common childhood and about the elders in the family. I appreciate these types of relationships - my cousins - more and more as the years go by.  I am deeply grateful that my children (and future grandchildren) have the opportunity to experience this kind of enriching bond in their lives.